The logline at the top of this blog declares it is “a blog about theatre, chicago, and being a 20 something, by a sassy blonde,” and boy, if one post I ever write here embodies all of those things, this is it:
- I did it. I moved (with the enormous help of my brother and boyfriend to help drive and lift things) out to a new neighborhood in a tiny studio with creaking floors, little to no direct sunlight, and a buzzer that doesn’t work. But I love it because it’s all mine, and for the first time since I moved out of my parents’ house in 2008, I didn’t borrow a cent from them to get it. I did the searching, I wrote the checks, I booked the truck, and I bought all the stuff I needed now that I’m not sharing with someone else. I didn’t have a roommate to rely on to make all the calls for me. I proved to myself I can handle this whole crazy, strangely normal, adult adventure that is moving & setting up On Your Own. If that isn’t a huge 20-something milestone, I don’t know what is. Now, for the first time, everything is my responsibility. I’ve lived alone before, but I’ve always had my family to fall back on. This time, I know I can do everything myself–and that is both terrifying and so liberating I can’t take breaths big enough to express it. Giant lungfuls of air, untethered. Also unsecured, but free.
- I called the landlord multiple times to fix things that should have been done before I moved in. This isn’t remotely a big deal in Real Person World but we have talked about my intense phone phobia and fear of strangers, and I managed to put my gnawed-nailed fingertips to buttons and fucking call that guy without taking whole days to psych myself up for it. Don’t like, congratulate me or anything; that’s unnecessary–just know that I am slowly getting better about these things. And to me, that is a big deal.
- Amid all of this I am still fortunate enough to get to do press for my movie (check out the new campaign site!) and begin rehearsing for A Windblown Wail with my theatre company in two weeks. I’m giddy. I’m pinching myself that I have two projects to work on this summer after a year of doing only two staged readings and little else. So now that this moving thing is behind me, it’s time to put my head down and keep auditioning. Just keep doing it. I like my day job and am so blessed to have it, but I don’t want to work in a hotel for the rest of my life. I know what I want. It’s just about doing the work. And of that, I hope, I can continue to prove I am capable.
This post might read like I’m blowing smoke up my own ass; I hope it doesn’t, but if it does, I guess that IS kind of what I’m doing. I spent winter being so depressed I could barely get out of bed and it took everything I had not to spiral into some old, familiar dark places I don’t want to go anymore–I can’t believe the positivity thing I started actually worked.
I am thankful for my life. I am thankful for the love in it. I am thankful for the opportunities I have. And I am thankful to be able to take a moment to breathe and let it all sink in, just for a little while.